Yep, that's the one for me... Even though I know that trying to keep them open is more work and more likely to bring new endeavours to an unsuccessful end. Sigh.
It just feels so safe to sit on the fence, doesn’t it? Like if we jump in and commit we’ll never be able to recover!! One of the healthy work participants I interviewed had done this crazy thing and left his finance job to start his own architecture firm and he seemed so confident and effortless about it. But then I asked him how it felt to do it, and he told me it was like jumping off the highest dive and straight into the void. He had never been so scared. So at least we know we’re not alone!
All I've read so far is the subtitle and I'm hooked. I have been struggling with this so much in the past few years. I can't wait to read the whole piece! :)
Okay, now I've read the whole thing and thank you! You made me laugh, "the Capitalist Catalogue of Happiness" and I saw myself in your experience. I'm the friend who never took the straight path, who only had a job working for someone else briefly after college and then a little less briefly after divorce. I often envy the people who chose one thing and stuck to it, though I know in my bones that doesn't equate to happiness. I love that you can tell where your own intuition is and how it feels versus some external should. I need to sit with that for myself and discover where I feel those things. xo
Oh thank you so much — and well done on always going your own way. What looks like stability seems so TEMPTING!! And I can't wait to hear where your "shoulds" live 🥰
What looks like stability. That's _exactly_ it. It took me so many years to realize that anything external, tons of money, a steady job, relationships, etc. isn't necessarily stability. That really does have to come from within. I'm excited to find out and I'll definitely share where my shoulds hang out. Which reminds me of that poem by Shel Silverstein, do you know it?
Thank you Abra! I actually use MidJourney to create the artwork. I was creating the art on my own for the first few posts and it was taking away from my time to nail the writing, so I switched over to experimenting with AI.
I use a lot of references to female Dadaists like Hannah Hoch to create collages — their movement of playful opposition to capitalism feel very aligned with where I'm at these days.
"Other people are more qualified to show us what what we should want, what sort of life to strive for."
You've nailed the reason I struggle with what the next phase, 50+ with an empty nest, looks like for me. For my parents it meant slowing down, striving less, becoming more insular. For the high-octane ladybosses I used to idolize, it meant longer hours, an Eileen Fisher wardrobe and a vacation home.
I don't want any of those things. My therapist is constantly reminding me to think about what I DO want. But I suck at it.
I know. I wonder sometimes if as women in particular we missed that lesson in how to want. I have to constantly check in with myself to be sure that whatever it is that I feel compelled to do, I have some idea who's doing the compelling. Glad we can practice together ❤️
"...doors to be left open “just in case.”
Yep, that's the one for me... Even though I know that trying to keep them open is more work and more likely to bring new endeavours to an unsuccessful end. Sigh.
It just feels so safe to sit on the fence, doesn’t it? Like if we jump in and commit we’ll never be able to recover!! One of the healthy work participants I interviewed had done this crazy thing and left his finance job to start his own architecture firm and he seemed so confident and effortless about it. But then I asked him how it felt to do it, and he told me it was like jumping off the highest dive and straight into the void. He had never been so scared. So at least we know we’re not alone!
All I've read so far is the subtitle and I'm hooked. I have been struggling with this so much in the past few years. I can't wait to read the whole piece! :)
Thank you so much Jocelyn!! It is the perpetual battle 😅 ❤️
Okay, now I've read the whole thing and thank you! You made me laugh, "the Capitalist Catalogue of Happiness" and I saw myself in your experience. I'm the friend who never took the straight path, who only had a job working for someone else briefly after college and then a little less briefly after divorce. I often envy the people who chose one thing and stuck to it, though I know in my bones that doesn't equate to happiness. I love that you can tell where your own intuition is and how it feels versus some external should. I need to sit with that for myself and discover where I feel those things. xo
Oh thank you so much — and well done on always going your own way. What looks like stability seems so TEMPTING!! And I can't wait to hear where your "shoulds" live 🥰
What looks like stability. That's _exactly_ it. It took me so many years to realize that anything external, tons of money, a steady job, relationships, etc. isn't necessarily stability. That really does have to come from within. I'm excited to find out and I'll definitely share where my shoulds hang out. Which reminds me of that poem by Shel Silverstein, do you know it?
omg yes — this is in every thread of my research. The search for safety, for a job that will finally fix the existential dread of being alive 🫠
Which Poem? I actually did a whole piece about The Giving Tree a while back!
Thanks for this thoughtful piece. Is this your artwork illustrating your site? It's very appealing.
Thank you Abra! I actually use MidJourney to create the artwork. I was creating the art on my own for the first few posts and it was taking away from my time to nail the writing, so I switched over to experimenting with AI.
I use a lot of references to female Dadaists like Hannah Hoch to create collages — their movement of playful opposition to capitalism feel very aligned with where I'm at these days.
"Other people are more qualified to show us what what we should want, what sort of life to strive for."
You've nailed the reason I struggle with what the next phase, 50+ with an empty nest, looks like for me. For my parents it meant slowing down, striving less, becoming more insular. For the high-octane ladybosses I used to idolize, it meant longer hours, an Eileen Fisher wardrobe and a vacation home.
I don't want any of those things. My therapist is constantly reminding me to think about what I DO want. But I suck at it.
NOT THE EILEEN FISHER WARDROBE 😭
I know. I wonder sometimes if as women in particular we missed that lesson in how to want. I have to constantly check in with myself to be sure that whatever it is that I feel compelled to do, I have some idea who's doing the compelling. Glad we can practice together ❤️
Thanks @Joseph Shipp — you’ve been an inspiration to watch, weaving yourself towards more of the things you truly want ❤️