This was a great post Melissa! (Only catching up on my reading now). Even though I have stepped waaaay back from my career, I find that I cycle through those worth phrases in that exercise whenever I'm debating on whether to take on a freelance project.
Oooooooh yes! So I have been binging Physical on Apple TV and the lead character is battling with disordered eating — they use her inner saboteur as a character in the show and I was frankly shocked to see how related the shaming was between a lot of what I have experienced in recovering from overwork.
I love your note here because I think what I've found is that there's no "cure" where this stuff just goes away forever, but more — I've built up a better system for handling these thoughts than I used to have. Frankly step one was realizing I was having them in the first place…
Anyway, I'm so glad you found it useful!! Thanks so much for taking the time to comment and share. Cheers to recovery in all its glorious forms 🫶🏻
I am currently in between jobs. The last job I held (the one I was laid off from at the beginning of this year) was the best paying job I ever had. Especially after having been a stay-at-home/military spouse for 20 years. I did everything I could to keep that job - even by pushing myself to do my absolute BEST while going through cancer treatments last year.
Your post has given me a lot to think about, Melissa. A lot that I feel like I still need to unpack. Thank you! 🥰
Thank you for being here, Dawna! We are in this together.
It's so wild how much of ourselves we are ready to give up just to keep things the same, especially if we feel like it's "the best we've ever had." I stayed in a job that was "the best I'd ever had" until I almost ran my car off the road because I'd become so detached from my body.
Congratulations on breaking free. It's an incredibly brave and difficult thing to do!! Welcome 🤗
I’m 2 years out from leaving my corporate job, and the one that is still the hardest for me is, ironically, the one that pushed me out: structure for my time. Creativity, community, meaning…all of these have flourished for me since striking out on my own in search of more flexibility and better balance of eggs across the various baskets of life. But particularly as an ADHDer, I really struggle with setting my own deadlines and sticking to a schedule, particularly for the less fun parts of my work (LOOKING AT YOU, INVOICING). Having to be at my desk 9-5 (minimum) 5 days a week most weeks of the year provided a lot of routine and structure that it turns out I really depended on.
I’m also an ADHD gal and also didn’t realize how much I would miss getting on that little train every morning and turning off my brain! It’s taken years to work out alternatives.
And learning I don’t have to be at my desk 9-5 still feels weird — I run a group of solopreneur friends and structure is a frequent topic. It’s always evolving!
Yes!! Like I know how to be at my desk 9-5+ every day, and after my time off I know how to be not at a desk ever, but figuring out how to be at my desk in between those extremes? Hard. Very hard.
How lovely to hear your voice again. As if I was sitting right there with you :)
As someone who's left a job, looking at your list, I recall that ± 2 years before leaving, I began to intentionally find sources and anchors for those things in other places, oftentimes within, gradually releasing dependence or reliance on job environment providing those things.
You are right that it's an important recalibration (as I like to call it) that must happen, or else the idea of leaving (which you weren't suggesting, that is my extension) makes you feel wobbly, shaky, as they're like an invisible foundation on which we stand. But once they get anchored, it's like gaining new source of strength, stability, and ability to make moves, if that is desired.
Yessssss — it starts to happen a little at a time, otherwise you'll freak out and run back to safety 😂
So glad to see you here! We had such a mind meld in our chat, it's no surprise to me that you are a living example of having done this work. I love "recalibration" — that's such a great word, and it is VERY unsettling at first.
Thank you for taking time to comment! Nice to hear from you again :)
I listened to the voice over as I read, which made it feel you were on the sofa drinking a tea with me!
When my husband was offered an opportunity in Europe, I jumped at getting off the corporate train t join him. It turned out to be like a drug addict going cold turkey - in a foreign country 😂. The pain of realizing I completely defining myself by my career track and the knee-jerk false belief that I was nothing without it was overwhelming. I completely fell apart but the blocks of who I was started to rearrange themselves. In the end I became stronger. That was 30 years ago. I never would have become an artist or gardener or writer had I stayed in my unflinching worship of career above everything. Life is amazing!
Oh thanks so much Diana — it really means the world to hear that you enjoyed the piece!
How lucky that you get to have this incredible adventure — and GIRL, do I relate with the drug addict analogy. You’ve gotta watch Physical on Apple TV+ — that internal voice of the narrator felt so much like how i used to talk to myself. I guess any addiction shares that deep shame.
Amazing on how you are finding yourself again ❤️
Maybe sometime we can do a zoom chat — I would love to hear your story of both your work obsession and your release over the last 30 years! I know I could learn a lot from you.
Enjoy your garden today, looking forward to seeing it all grow!
This was a great post Melissa! (Only catching up on my reading now). Even though I have stepped waaaay back from my career, I find that I cycle through those worth phrases in that exercise whenever I'm debating on whether to take on a freelance project.
Oooooooh yes! So I have been binging Physical on Apple TV and the lead character is battling with disordered eating — they use her inner saboteur as a character in the show and I was frankly shocked to see how related the shaming was between a lot of what I have experienced in recovering from overwork.
I love your note here because I think what I've found is that there's no "cure" where this stuff just goes away forever, but more — I've built up a better system for handling these thoughts than I used to have. Frankly step one was realizing I was having them in the first place…
Anyway, I'm so glad you found it useful!! Thanks so much for taking the time to comment and share. Cheers to recovery in all its glorious forms 🫶🏻
I am currently in between jobs. The last job I held (the one I was laid off from at the beginning of this year) was the best paying job I ever had. Especially after having been a stay-at-home/military spouse for 20 years. I did everything I could to keep that job - even by pushing myself to do my absolute BEST while going through cancer treatments last year.
Your post has given me a lot to think about, Melissa. A lot that I feel like I still need to unpack. Thank you! 🥰
Thank you for being here, Dawna! We are in this together.
It's so wild how much of ourselves we are ready to give up just to keep things the same, especially if we feel like it's "the best we've ever had." I stayed in a job that was "the best I'd ever had" until I almost ran my car off the road because I'd become so detached from my body.
Congratulations on breaking free. It's an incredibly brave and difficult thing to do!! Welcome 🤗
Oh, wow! I didn't go that far... But I guess I could say that I became metaphorically detached from my body that is my spiritual vehicle.
So glad to connect! 🥰
I’m 2 years out from leaving my corporate job, and the one that is still the hardest for me is, ironically, the one that pushed me out: structure for my time. Creativity, community, meaning…all of these have flourished for me since striking out on my own in search of more flexibility and better balance of eggs across the various baskets of life. But particularly as an ADHDer, I really struggle with setting my own deadlines and sticking to a schedule, particularly for the less fun parts of my work (LOOKING AT YOU, INVOICING). Having to be at my desk 9-5 (minimum) 5 days a week most weeks of the year provided a lot of routine and structure that it turns out I really depended on.
😂😂😂 omg I relate to this so much.
INVOICING. 🤬
I’m also an ADHD gal and also didn’t realize how much I would miss getting on that little train every morning and turning off my brain! It’s taken years to work out alternatives.
And learning I don’t have to be at my desk 9-5 still feels weird — I run a group of solopreneur friends and structure is a frequent topic. It’s always evolving!
Yes!! Like I know how to be at my desk 9-5+ every day, and after my time off I know how to be not at a desk ever, but figuring out how to be at my desk in between those extremes? Hard. Very hard.
Good morning to you, Melissa!
How lovely to hear your voice again. As if I was sitting right there with you :)
As someone who's left a job, looking at your list, I recall that ± 2 years before leaving, I began to intentionally find sources and anchors for those things in other places, oftentimes within, gradually releasing dependence or reliance on job environment providing those things.
You are right that it's an important recalibration (as I like to call it) that must happen, or else the idea of leaving (which you weren't suggesting, that is my extension) makes you feel wobbly, shaky, as they're like an invisible foundation on which we stand. But once they get anchored, it's like gaining new source of strength, stability, and ability to make moves, if that is desired.
Thank you for a great post!
Yessssss — it starts to happen a little at a time, otherwise you'll freak out and run back to safety 😂
So glad to see you here! We had such a mind meld in our chat, it's no surprise to me that you are a living example of having done this work. I love "recalibration" — that's such a great word, and it is VERY unsettling at first.
Thank you for taking time to comment! Nice to hear from you again :)
Really good, Melissa. 🌱
I listened to the voice over as I read, which made it feel you were on the sofa drinking a tea with me!
When my husband was offered an opportunity in Europe, I jumped at getting off the corporate train t join him. It turned out to be like a drug addict going cold turkey - in a foreign country 😂. The pain of realizing I completely defining myself by my career track and the knee-jerk false belief that I was nothing without it was overwhelming. I completely fell apart but the blocks of who I was started to rearrange themselves. In the end I became stronger. That was 30 years ago. I never would have become an artist or gardener or writer had I stayed in my unflinching worship of career above everything. Life is amazing!
Oh thanks so much Diana — it really means the world to hear that you enjoyed the piece!
How lucky that you get to have this incredible adventure — and GIRL, do I relate with the drug addict analogy. You’ve gotta watch Physical on Apple TV+ — that internal voice of the narrator felt so much like how i used to talk to myself. I guess any addiction shares that deep shame.
Amazing on how you are finding yourself again ❤️
Maybe sometime we can do a zoom chat — I would love to hear your story of both your work obsession and your release over the last 30 years! I know I could learn a lot from you.
Enjoy your garden today, looking forward to seeing it all grow!
I think we could learn a lot from each other, lovely one. We can plan that.