I have been thinking a lot about ritual lately (part of my new business thing). I think we need a collective COVID ritual for closure, but I also wonder about creating some sort of ritual to honor old you and be received as new you among your people?
YES. We absolutely need to mark that time, and I love the idea of initiation rituals into new phases of life. I feel like there are more native american traditions around that than european ones
Yeah, that is true currently, but those kind of rituals were definitely part of European culture historically. Women also have rites of passage kind of programmed into our bodies, so they're sort of inescapable even if you want to.
Wow. This hit me square in the feels. I'm very much a hobbit when it comes to my home - we've been here for going-on-25-years. In the past year we've finally started looking around for a new place but hahaha not in this market. Nothing turned out the way Past Me imagined it would but I have no idea how to live and behave so that ten years from now Future Me won't feel the same way as I do now.
TWENTY FIVE YEARS! God, they go so slow and then they’re all gone.
I have no idea about future me either, TBH — I just know that the woman I was has left the building and it’s time to see what else the world has in store :)
I know the focus of this post is mainly the house, but what struck me most were the parts about life before Covid and after. The impact it can have had. The woman ‘before’, etc. I’ve been struggling lately with a lot of things (aging parents the main one of late) and thinking that my sadness/anxiety/etc is stemming from that but then I go ‘well, no, maybe it goes back to x from last year’, and then ‘but then there was y from the year before’… and somehow it always comes back to 2020. Like, life in 2019 wasn’t “pErFeCt” but… and then I think oh please, I didn’t get sick, no one in my family succumbed, I wasn’t a child forced to do school online, I had solid safe housing in a blue state with a good job I could do at home. Why should the pandemic have caused ME any drama/trauma?
But I think it has in deep subtle ways. I’m still trying to tease it all out.
Oh Elle — yes, you've nailed it. The point of the post isn't the house so much as the way I've realized that the house was this idea I was holding onto to avoid dealing with the real impact of COVID and all the theocratic/authoritarian direction of the US (and worldwide, frankly).
I was also lucky not to be directly impacted — we didn't get sick for ages, my son was very little and didn't miss much school, my family (even the Q-Anon antivax segment) didn't get seriously ill.
But the world will never feel as safe and predictable as it did before, and that is a death as well. I think we have to grieve that loss and accept it, otherwise we'll keep trying to put things back the way they were and wondering why nothing feels quite right. It's nice to begin that process with you 🫶🏻
I didn't realize we were so geographically close. I always wonder if I will ever own a house and at this point, I doubt it as I watch(ed) both sets of parents have house woes with repairs and upkeep. So we stay in our Brooklyn apartment because ironically, having bought 20 years ago, it's more affordable than anywhere in this area that we could move to right now. But all of these questions have definitely been on my mind lately.
Same re: pricing, and TBH home ownership is A LOT of work. I don’t regret it, especially because we were so lucky with market timing but honestly since COVID, I think I’ve been treating it like a security blanket.
We won’t sell the house right away, or maybe ever — who knows! We’ll rent it for a year while we figure out if England is our place. But the FREEDOM of doing that — of being able to try something else out.
I do feel super fortunate. It's the only way we can stay in Brooklyn. I don't even know how anyone can afford to live here. I hear you about the freedom and fresh start. I can't explain why, but suddenly I am feeling weirdly trapped in a way I don't understand.
We too are still in a house in suburban New Jersey that I used to love when I was a city commuter with someone else's ambitions on my shoulders. I'm so grateful for having this place but I know we need to leave it for my happiness... but ugh, the reality of the housing market!
I have been thinking a lot about ritual lately (part of my new business thing). I think we need a collective COVID ritual for closure, but I also wonder about creating some sort of ritual to honor old you and be received as new you among your people?
YES. We absolutely need to mark that time, and I love the idea of initiation rituals into new phases of life. I feel like there are more native american traditions around that than european ones
Yeah, that is true currently, but those kind of rituals were definitely part of European culture historically. Women also have rites of passage kind of programmed into our bodies, so they're sort of inescapable even if you want to.
I love the idea that we have them programmed into us hahaha amazing
Wow. This hit me square in the feels. I'm very much a hobbit when it comes to my home - we've been here for going-on-25-years. In the past year we've finally started looking around for a new place but hahaha not in this market. Nothing turned out the way Past Me imagined it would but I have no idea how to live and behave so that ten years from now Future Me won't feel the same way as I do now.
TWENTY FIVE YEARS! God, they go so slow and then they’re all gone.
I have no idea about future me either, TBH — I just know that the woman I was has left the building and it’s time to see what else the world has in store :)
Thanks so much for your kind note!
I shared this with my partner as I thought she'd enjoy it. She did, as she said:
"Beautiful piece of writing. I felt like the author and I shared a journey together as her writing pulled on tendrils of my memories."
I shared this with my partner as I thought she'd enjoy it. She did, as she said:
"Beautiful piece of writing. I felt like the author and I shared a journey together as her writing pulled on tendrils of my memories."
Thank you so much Alan, and to your partner! That's a beautiful compliment and I am so grateful for it. I'm glad it connected with her!!
You're most welcome. Sorry about the double-post. For some reason Substack didn't acknowledge the "Post" button
all good, there are still some little bugs in here!
I know the focus of this post is mainly the house, but what struck me most were the parts about life before Covid and after. The impact it can have had. The woman ‘before’, etc. I’ve been struggling lately with a lot of things (aging parents the main one of late) and thinking that my sadness/anxiety/etc is stemming from that but then I go ‘well, no, maybe it goes back to x from last year’, and then ‘but then there was y from the year before’… and somehow it always comes back to 2020. Like, life in 2019 wasn’t “pErFeCt” but… and then I think oh please, I didn’t get sick, no one in my family succumbed, I wasn’t a child forced to do school online, I had solid safe housing in a blue state with a good job I could do at home. Why should the pandemic have caused ME any drama/trauma?
But I think it has in deep subtle ways. I’m still trying to tease it all out.
Oh Elle — yes, you've nailed it. The point of the post isn't the house so much as the way I've realized that the house was this idea I was holding onto to avoid dealing with the real impact of COVID and all the theocratic/authoritarian direction of the US (and worldwide, frankly).
I was also lucky not to be directly impacted — we didn't get sick for ages, my son was very little and didn't miss much school, my family (even the Q-Anon antivax segment) didn't get seriously ill.
But the world will never feel as safe and predictable as it did before, and that is a death as well. I think we have to grieve that loss and accept it, otherwise we'll keep trying to put things back the way they were and wondering why nothing feels quite right. It's nice to begin that process with you 🫶🏻
I didn't realize we were so geographically close. I always wonder if I will ever own a house and at this point, I doubt it as I watch(ed) both sets of parents have house woes with repairs and upkeep. So we stay in our Brooklyn apartment because ironically, having bought 20 years ago, it's more affordable than anywhere in this area that we could move to right now. But all of these questions have definitely been on my mind lately.
yeah!! We are neighbors :)
Same re: pricing, and TBH home ownership is A LOT of work. I don’t regret it, especially because we were so lucky with market timing but honestly since COVID, I think I’ve been treating it like a security blanket.
We won’t sell the house right away, or maybe ever — who knows! We’ll rent it for a year while we figure out if England is our place. But the FREEDOM of doing that — of being able to try something else out.
It feels like a fresh start I desperately need.
I do feel super fortunate. It's the only way we can stay in Brooklyn. I don't even know how anyone can afford to live here. I hear you about the freedom and fresh start. I can't explain why, but suddenly I am feeling weirdly trapped in a way I don't understand.
We too are still in a house in suburban New Jersey that I used to love when I was a city commuter with someone else's ambitions on my shoulders. I'm so grateful for having this place but I know we need to leave it for my happiness... but ugh, the reality of the housing market!
THE HOUSING MARKET!! The interest rates. We are thinking of keeping the house and renting somewhere else to try it out a bit first.
Also I love "with someone else's ambitions on my shoulders" 🫶🏻